By: Oyin Eyinade
People sometimes say, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”. But is this really true?
Even as others discourage it, many people more than you think or imagine engage in long distance relationship. Many has worked out and led to marriage.
I have once been in a distance relationship and it worked just as much as a close relationship would have.
I guess we were practical and intentional about our actions, and the relationship vibe was as intense as it should be. We just didn’t see each other often.
Right now, it slipped into my mind that a friend of mine too was also in a long distance relationship. In fact, they are married now.
They were so far apart, unlike mine where we were both in the same country but different states.
He was in USA while she was in Nigeria. The relationship started shortly before he travelled out of the country.
There was mutual love and trust and they also kept constant communication, through voice and video calls, chats and text messages.
They finally got married in December 2016 and she relocated with him to the USA – two days later.
Yes, this sounds like ‘a happily ever after’ kind of story, but no, this is somebody’s reality.
They must have had their fair share of turmoils and threats – just like every other relationship. But, they worked on it despite the distance and weathered the storm nonetheless.
Distance relationship doesn’t just work out magically. It requires extra effort because of the extra distance.
In recent times, technology has made it even easier to keep in touch and communicate frequently.
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Under listed are progenitor methods to make long distance relationship work;
– COMMUNICATION: This cannot be overemphasized. You need to talk very often. I do not mean every hour or every other hour.
Twice a day is great and once a day isn’t too bad either. But, never let a day go by without talking.
Talk about how you spent your day, your daily challenge and conquest. Talk about very trivial things too and laugh heartily and genuinely.
Trash out misunderstandings quickly, never save them up for later. Have long chats, make video calls, exchange text messages but keep them minimal.
Most importantly, listen. You two need your virtual shoulder to rest on, connect by heart and give each other support.
– TRUST: ‘Trust’ undoubtedly always makes it to the top three most important quality of a relationship. If you do not trust each other, the relationship would be very difficult to sustain.
– BE COMMITTED: Distant relationship is as important as a close one. You should take the relationship seriously and stop nursing the ideas of Plan B or Plan C. Commitment reflects in the quality of the relationship.
– CONTROL JEALOUSY: Jealousy indeed is a sign of love. You feel jealousy because you love each other. However, if you cannot control your wild imagination of what they may be up to, it can cause serious havoc.
– DO THINGS TOGETHER: This actually adds flavour and spontaneity to a relationship. You can cook the same food, visit similar places and do similar activities together; though separately.
As funny as it may sound, it can be quite exciting and makes the heart connect more.
– SURPRISE EACH OTHER: Whether it is a random call at an unexpected hour, a surprise gift when it isn’t even their birthday or a warm gesture far across the distance. Surprise them!
– BE HONEST: Nothing affect trust as much as truth discovered behind your back. Do not risk being doubted. Stay true to your words and act accordingly.
You are far away, they need to believe you at all rules for the relationship to progress.
– SET DATES TO SEE: You cannot be far apart forever. Set specific dates to see each other once in a while no matter how far.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be monthly or yearly…just do!
Choose dates that leave you both in anticipation and excitement and be sure to honour the dates.
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